How to Run Your Own Casino From Home

Will Ferrel and Amy Poehler, stars of the House
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The House hit cinema screens across the world this summer and to mark the momentous occasion we are taking a look at just how you could genuinely look at running a casino from your own home.

You might need to dodge the odd law here and bash the odd head there but if you’re keen, then let’s begin.

Going Underground

It depends where you live but you will definitely want to do your homework on the legislation of gambling in your jurisdiction. Different territories have different laws, so be careful.

If you are too lazy to do all that reading then you can consider going underground with your operations.

Keeping things low key is a massive risk that could result in you spending 20 years in jail. On the plus side, it means you can avoid paying any legal fees and can basically run things as you want.

Pick Your Games

Blackjack hands being played on a standard casino table
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A casino earns its reputation based on the games it offers. Do you want to go new age and offer recently released slot machines? Or would you prefer to keep it old school and offer classic casino table games such as blackjack, roulette, and craps?

How about rewinding things back to 2003 and making your house the centre for poker in your region?

Think about what games you can fit into your living room and dining room. You might even want to bring your garage into play. Your house is the limit of your casino’s potential.

Don’t forget to hire the dealers as well. You don’t want to be stuck dishing out cards all night at your own casino.

female casino dealer at table
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Great Food, Fine Drink… Maybe!

Make sure you get one of your buddies to help get the food and beverages sorted. You could hire a professional chef but, let’s face it, you’re not running the Bellagio here. Hank from four doors down will suffice.

At the end of the day, a buffet is a buffet, ice cream is ice cream, and, with enough alcohol in it, a strawberry daiquiri is a strawberry daiquiri.

The key to winning over your punters is presentation. Put a bit of garnish or some tree leaves here and there and you can turn sausage rolls and hot dogs into a delicacy.

Invest in Security

Security man working within the New York night life
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If word gets out that you’re running a secret casino out of your house, you could well attract all sorts of the wrong attention. Local gangsters, national mafia, and unsavoury characters from all walks of life will be bogging you down before you know it.

Nip it in the bud before it becomes a problem. If there is one thing you’re going to want to invest in, it’s security. We’re not talking about the two fatties from the local bar. Hunt down the biggest, nastiest, and hardest beasts you can find, stand them on your entrance, and let it be known that you will not go quietly into the night if somebody is planning a heist.

On this note, if you can afford it then deck your house out with CCTV. That might cost a few thousand to sort out but you can just fix the odd table game or two… you know, keep it legit!

That’s Entertainment!

card table at casino set up at home

You have two choices here. Classy and sophisticated or seedy and borderline illegal.

If you want something that’s more acceptable, then you want to advertise for local comedy acts, up and coming musicians, and entertainment troops who can put some dance moves together.

If you are not too fussed about your own reputation then send an email out to the local college with an advert looking for attractive students looking to earn some extra cash to cover their college fees. Females and males can apply!

Your casino is going to want to offer something for everyone. Feel free to throw in the odd widescreen TV to show sports events. That will attract another demographic besides gamblers.

The Serious Business

A gavel and casino betting chips on a brown wooded background
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In order for your casino to function properly you still need to do some fundamental work.

You will need a back-up fund to cover any potential winnings. That is essential. Unless you plan on beating up every winner and robbing their winnings back. It might work short-term but sooner or later that will turn the punters off your casino.

Book-keeping is also needed so that you can keep track of profits and losses. That way you will know if you can invest in the casino or if it’s time to shut up shop.

Sorting betting limits is also essential. You do not want to get caught by a big spender who hits a lucky run. Stay in control of the potential outgoings.

Finally… Have Fun!

Now that everything is sorted you can just chill out and enjoy the fruits of your labor. Don those Lugano Diamonds sunglasses, put on your sharpest three-piece suit, and walk around the place like you own it… because you do.

Imagine yourself as Sam “Ace” Rothstein and live out every casino-related fantasy you’ve ever had. If somebody looks at you wrong, smash their head against the table and kick them out. If you fancy that hotty in the corner, then take them up to the room where the magic happens. If you want to install a Jacuzzi and fill it with underwear models then make it happen. This is your house.

Disclaimer: will not be held responsible for any individuals that encounter legal problems due to taking the above tips literally! If you do so then you need help.