Top 10 Las Vegas Lies & the Truths They Hide

Las Vegas is a town predicated on pretend realities (and we’re not even talking about the one in which the Oakland A’s relocate to the Strip!)

A unique language of pervasive mistruths must be penetrated to comprehend some of what’s really being said around town on a daily basis. Consider this your Google Translate for Las Vegas lies.

We’ll start you off with the biggest…

1) WHEN GAMBLERS SAY: “I’m up!”

They Really Mean:
I’m not counting the two large I lost yesterday.

Corporations wouldn’t keep building $4 billion mega-resorts if your odds of winning in them were even close to even with the house’s. While it’s possible to win big in the short run, it’s highly unlikely, and it’s even more unlikely in the long run.

Even Baccarat, which offers one of the lowest house edges of any table game at about 1.06%, cannot be beat in the long term. Yes, your probability of winning any given hand on a banker bet is about 45.86%, versus a 44.63% chance of losing and a 9.51% chance of tying. But there’s a 5% commission on banker wins, which isn’t included in the win probability, but decreases your net winnings.

Here are some other big Las Vegas lies and what they really mean.

2) WHEN CELEBRITIES SAY: “This is my favorite new club or restaurant!”

They Really Mean:
I just got paid millions to post that to Instagram.

3) WHEN DEVELOPERS SAY: “This multibillion-dollar Las Vegas Strip project will definitely get built!”

They Really Mean:
No it won’t.

4) WHEN THE CONCIERGE SAYS:
“I recommend this restaurant/nightclub/experience.”

THEY REALLY MEAN:
The corporation that owns the property I work for is a partner in that restaurant/nightclub/experience, or I get kickbacks for anyone I send there.

5) “WHEN THE BOUNCER AT A TRENDY CLUB SAYS: “It’ll be a couple more minutes.”

They Really Mean:
It would be a couple more minutes if you were a gorgeous female barely out of your teens and your top. For you, I’d recommend either Denny’s or tipping me $100.

6) WHEN HOTELS SAY: “Please reuse towels to help us save the environment.”

They Really Mean:
We’ve already laid off a significant portion of our cleaning staff.

7) WHEN A GORGEOUS WOMAN WALKS UP TO YOU AND SAYS: “Well, hi there!”

They Really Mean:
Nice watch! I’m a hooker who will trick-roll you for it.

8) WHEN SHOWROOM HEADLINERS SAY: “Tonight, you’re in for a very special treat.”

They Really Mean:
I’ve said that twice a night for the past 15-20 years.

9) WHEN CASINO COMPANIES SAY: “Our next property will be unlike anything Las Vegas has ever seen.”

They Really Mean:
It will be the same as our last one, only we will charge you more for everything.

10) WHEN HOTELS SAY: “Resort fees are a convenience to you so we don’t have to charge you separately for our wi-fi, gym, and phone.”

They Really Mean:
You really will believe anything, won’t you?