Even More Ridiculous Las Vegas Casino Photos Sure to Lead to Crushing Disappointment

When we did our first two installments of disturbing casino marketing photos, we secretly hoped Las Vegas casino marketers would take a step back, re-evaluate their tactics and change for the better. Our hopes, of course, have been dashed, and in spectacular fashion.

Las Vegas advertising photos are as absurd, stilted and WTF as ever. Here, then, is our latest collection of ridiculous photos sure to lead to crushing disappointment.

1. Cabo Wabo Cantina

Let’s kick this adventure off with some fun from the Cabo Wabo Cantina, home to frosty beverages, an over-abundance of attractive women and the insidious CNF charge.

Cabo Wabo Cantina
We’re thinking even this model realizes how idiotic this is, but you don’t get paid for pointing out marketing debacles.

2. Downtown Grand

Downtown Grand has had its fair share of challenges, but you’d never know it from the sweet cluster of fake, mixed-denomination chips in front of these players. Somebody may need a dealer refresher course.

Downtown Grand
We get the feeling the guy at first base, who left his beer and pretended to go to the restroom, probably won’t be back.

3. Excalibur Sports Book

If there’s one thing you want in your sports book advertising still, it’s a scientifically determined racial mix. Don’t let that distract you from the fact this group of people has never, nor will ever, enter an actual Las Vegas sports book.

Excalibur sports book
You would be hard pressed to find a wider chasm between what marketers think their customers look like and what they actually look like.

4. Hard Rock Center Bar

Oops. Somebody didn’t get the diversity memo! This is easily one of the most bizarre ads in our collection. Someone may have actually captured the exact moment when laughter turns into demonic possession.

Hard Rock Center Bar
What was so awful about that woman’s inner thigh that it needed to be Photoshopped, anyway?

5. High Roller Ferris Wheel

What could be more exciting than a party atop the world’s tallest Ferris wheel? Partying with a group of highly-paid, professionally-styled models, that’s what.

High Roller Ferris wheel
There are no restrooms on the High Roller, so easy does it on the fluid intake.

6. Public House at Luxor

You can always find groups of good-looking, culturally diverse friends laughing hysterically at something in Las Vegas!

Luxor Public House
Rule of Las Vegas advertising photos: Anything on a TV screen or out a window was added later in Photoshop.

7. Matt Goss

Matt Goss, headliner at Caesars Palace, is a good-looking guy. We’ve met him, we’ve photographed him. Which makes it all the more alarming that somewhere along the way, somebody got ahold of his photo and turned him into a mutant.

Matt Goss
Matt. Bro. Tell your team to slowly step away from the image editing software.

8. Monte Carlo Buffet

Pristine food (at a buffet, no less), pristine people, pristine decor. No way you’ll be disappointed when you show up here. Just be pristine.

Monte Carlo buffet
Every person at a Las Vegas buffet is well-coiffed and this exact size, promise.

9. Palms Spa

Speaking of great physiques, check out the hard bodies at the Palms spa. Just hanging out, in some sort of coed alternate universe, in high heels and bikinis.

Palms spa
Y’know, just your average spa-goers.

10. Stratosphere Level 107 Lounge

Look, it’s tough to make fun of one of our favorite lounges in Las Vegas, but fun we will. Just so forced and awkward and unrealistic. In Vegas, that’s usually reserved for nightclubs.

We’re thinking it’s really, really important to not leave your drink unattended with this guy. Just saying.

Thanks to all these Las Vegas casinos for providing an ongoing source of amusement. We just hope they don’t actually think we’re buying what these photos are selling. It’s not 1975, and nobody’s falling for the fakery, the food styling or the Photoshop. It’s time to get real. Or at least as real as it gets in Las Vegas.