“Showgirls” Slot Machine Does the Impossible and Not in a Good Way

The “Showgirls” slot machine has managed to do what we once thought impossible. It makes the “Showgirls” movie seem downright entertaining by comparison.

Showgirls slot machine
Love gambling? The “Showgirls” slot machine could put a stop to that right quick.

As you no doubt know, “Showgirls” was one of the worst movies of all time.

Nomi Malone (“actress” Elizabeth Berkley) hitches a ride to Las Vegas, performs at a strip club, gets arrested, gives a lap dance, quits the strip club, works a boat show, pushes someone down a flight of stairs, gets a dancing gig at the Stardust, gets blackmailed, beats up a guy and hitches a ride to L.A.

So, Shakespeare, but without the burden of bodices or comprehensible dialogue.

When “Showgirls” came out, it was rightly slammed. But over time, “Showgirls” gained a cult following thanks to it being “so-bad-it’s-good.”

Showgirls slot machine
Nothing says fun like road signs.

Maybe cult status phenomenon will happen with the “Showgirls” slot machine over time, too, but we’re thinking not, mainly because we’d rather watch “Showgirls” again while chewing shards of neon rather than play the machine even one more minute.

Here’s a look at the “Showgirls” slot machine game play. In case you’re suffering from insomnia or something.

The “Showgirls” slot machine is a huge missed opportunity. The slot maker, Australia’s Ainsworth Game Technology, could’ve rocked it by playing up the camp and cheese of the movie.

Instead, the game features unimaginative animation and generic clip art images that appear to have little or nothing to do with the movie upon which the game was presumably based.

Also missing from the “Showgirls” is anything even remotely sexy. So, yeah, that aspect is a lot like the movie.

Showgirls slot machine
“Showgirls” was universally panned, then made $100 million from video rentals. Suck it, good taste, common sense and the craft of screenwriting.

We played $40 on this penny machine and never hit a bonus of any kind. That’s not the best measurement of a slot machine, of course, but if you’re losing money while being bored out of your skull, that’s a measurement worth noting.

As we played, it became apparent the person who designed the “Showgirls” slot machine never saw the movie, and certainly has never had a lap dance in Las Vegas. Or been pushed down a flight of stairs. Which, we should say, would be a lot more fun than this slot machine.

Showgirls slot machine
Nomi Malone works at Cheetah’s strip club, get it?

If you’ve played the “Showgirls” slot machine, let us know what you think. Especially if you disagree with our assessment. That way, we’ll know who to not get a Christmas present.