LPM Restaurant Opens at Cosmopolitan

A French Riviera-inspired restaurant, LPM Restaurant and Bar, has quietly opened at Cosmopolitan.

While we don’t know a lot about the French Riviera, we can only assume LPM is top-optional. Unconfirmed.

LPM is located in the former home of Estiatorio Milos. Estiatorio Milos closed at Cosmo in 2020 and moved to Venetian.

LPM has lots of “art,” the French word for art.

This is the ninth LPM worldwide, the second in the U.S. (the other is in Miami, Florida).

It’s hard to find any references to the inspiration for the LPM name, but we found it. “LPM” stands for “La Petite Maison,” a love nest maintained for a mistress.

LPM should use this as its tagline: “LPM. C’est un nom terrible pour un restaurant.” If you’re a peasant who doesn’t speak French, that means, “LPM. This is a terrible name for a restaurant.” Seriously, just call it “Mistress Apartment” or something, already. It’s Vegas. RPM at the Forum Shops is one of the best Italian restaurants in Las Vegas, but nobody knows it because it’s an awful name. Rant over.

We’re pretty sure this is the first restaurant that’s opened at Cosmo since the resort’s operations were taken over by MGM Resorts. If we have that wrong, trust us, 4.6 million people will correct us in the comments and on Twitter.

This promotional video is of pretty much zero value, other than showing LPM’s sweet floating cocktails.

Here’s a description of LPM from the official Web site, “Greeted by bold colors and striking art, guests will embark on an adventure through the Riviera with a light, imaginative menu of delicate intensity—a journey exploring the essential joy of Mediterranean ingredients at their peak. Combined with a specialty cocktail menu honoring the life of legendary French artist, writer and bon-vivant, Jean Cocteau, a vibrant indoor-outdoor atmosphere inspired by La Belle Epoque and an extensive collection of rose wines, at LPM Restaurant and Bar, every guest is filled with the sense that something special could happen at any moment. A little daring, a little irreverent and filled with possibility.”

We never tire of A.I. copywriting.

We asked ChatGPT to write a short paragraph about pretentious French restaurants: “Ah, the theatrics of pretentious French eateries! Where the menu reads like a Shakespearean sonnet, and the portions mimic an ant’s appetizer. The ambiance? A symphony of overpriced decor and waiters who could win awards for their disdainful glares. Bon appetit, or should we say, brace yourself for a bill that could sponsor a small country’s culinary education.”

When did Chat GPT get jokes?

Here’s a look at the LPM hors d’oeuvres menu. Today we learned “hors d’oeuvres” literally means “outside of work.” Which isn’t as funny as what we thought it means, because we have the sense of humor of a middle-schooler.

Band line-up for the Hors D’Oeuvres Music Festival: Garlic Croutons, The Crispy Squids, Beetroot, Burnt Tomatoes, Pickle Dressing, The Garlic Butter Snails, Striploin, Sliced Octopus and The Warm Prawns.

Let’s probe the main dishes.

It’s all your favorite Italian dishes, but with a weird French twist.

We don’t know what to make of this whole “Each dish is served when ready” thing, but please don’t bring our appetizer after our “Les Plats,” thanks.

Here’s the most important part of the menu, the desserts.

They had us at creme brulee.

Seriously, the creme brulee could make this place a destination restaurant. We will probably visit just to try that dessert, despite all the peculiar accent marks.

If we ever have a mistress, this will be it.

We can’t share the entire cocktail menu, but it’s whimsical and includes lots of artwork and potential trademark violations.

Yes, we have to make everything awkward. Thanks for asking.

See all the various menus on the restaurant’s page of the Cosmopolitan Web site.

This place is giving off Vanderpump Cocktail Garden vibes, but that’s not a bad thing. Those lounges are printing money, with another planned for Flamingo.

Other than Superfrico, we find most of the restaurants at Cosmopolitan to be “mid,” as the kids say, so we look forward to checking out LPM.

Find out more about LPM on the Cosmo site.

If you visit, let us know what you think.