Las Vegas is Officially Obsessed With Balls

Mandalay Bay has announced a new mini golf-themed lounge, taking over the former Light nightclub space, and we’re more convinced than ever Las Vegas is obsessed with balls.

Swingers will be an adults-only “crazy golf and high-end entertainment experience of epic proportions” arriving in fall of 2024. They forgot “immersive,” but nobody’s perfect.

The $50 million (not a typo) Swingers announcement included an A.I. rendering resulting from the prompt, “Mini golf course inside a mall, include random balcony, Ferris wheels and a food court.”

Why are we the only one who noticed exactly none of these people have golf clubs?

The rendered people at Swingers are doing what sociologists would describe as “some weird-ass shit,” including one couple conducting a deodorant check. In another part of the rendering, a woman is proposing marriage to a guy who recently visited a hair stylist with a seizure disorder.

Alternative headline to this story, “Las Vegas is Officially Obsessed With Holes.”

The parent company of Swingers is Competitive Socialising, obviously European or anarchists due to the snub of the letter “z.”

“Competitive socializing” is actually a great term to describe the wave of “drinking while having experiences” venues popping everywhere, from darts to ax throwing and VR zombie blasting.

Swingers will have three stories, DJs and lots of activities to distract from the fact people have largely forgotten how to make conversation.

Longtime Vegas watchers will recall there was a Swingers Club mini golf course at the Plaza a few years ago, operated by comedy-hypnotist Anthony Cools. The space is now Sand Dollar Downtown.

Anyway, balls! Balls are everywhere in Las Vegas!

TopGolf continues to thrive near MGM Grand, and another driving range with booze is being built at Strat, Atomic Golf.

Kiss Mini Golf is still hanging in there at Rio, and the “Twilight Zone”-inspired mini golf attraction at Horseshoe survived the transition from Bally’s.

But golf balls are far from being the only balls in Las Vegas.

Perhaps you’ve heard of the Sphere, the shiny new thing on the Las Vegas Strip. It’s actually a hemisphere, but that doesn’t really fit our narrative about Sin City’s obsession with balls, so just play along.

The Sphere has taken the Internet by storm and it hasn’t even opened yet.

All due respect to the Sphere at Venetian, but Resorts World did its giant video ball first.

The exosphere of Resorts World’s sphere generates dozens of advertising dollars each month.

Balls abound at Resorts World, they even turned a car into one.

This art raises so many philosophical questions, such as, “To be, orb not to be.”

Balls are rampant at Aria in its seasonal display. They’re bubbles, technically, but “balls” is funnier. Or possibly “are funnier.” At this point, you’re just looking at the pictures, so who really cares?

Aria’s blows a lot of money on its seasonal displays.

Cirque du Soleil fans will immediately think of this ball, it’s featured in “Mystere.”

Bebe Francios (played by RJ Owens) lost 150 pounds, but the ball remains rotund.

At Superfrico inside Cosmopolitan (more the lounge between Superfrico and the “OPM” theater), there are plethora of balls. Ball polishers are kept very busy at “OPM.”

Dibs on Plethora of Balls as a band name, too.

Not to be outdone, in the adjoining “OPM,” a giant ball is featured in one of our favorite variety acts of all time.

Hint: It’s not really about the balloon.

On Fremont Street, one of the kiosks is called Big Balls. The kiosk sells, well, you’ll figure it out.

We are not making this up. Big Balls generates more money than some of the casinos in the neighborhood.

Our town’s love of balls goes way back, of course. Bingo balls have been around forever.

We risked being 86’d to get this photo. Totally worth it.

Some of the most impressive balls in Las Vegas are found holding passengers on the High Roller observation wheel.

The High Roller calls them “pods.” Because they couldn’t very well say, “Come ride our balls on the High Roller!”

Strat is absolutely awash in balls. The resort features balls extensively in the videos on its screens throughout the casino.

Here’s a fun ball-related fact! Strat is owned by Golden Entertainment (previously Golden Gaming), so if you look closely at their animations, you’ll always see something gold. In this case, a gold ball.

Red arrow not included.

Big screens and balls often go hand-in-hand, and the Viva Vision screen in downtown Las Vegas has one of the biggest. Screens. And balls, actually.

Several video segments shown on the screen 24/7 feature balls frolicking on a texture similar to chain mail. It’s our favorite visual on the Fremont Street Experience digital display, other than Shakira light show. Because Shakira.

The closest casino to the Sphere is a third of a mile away. On Fremont, there are half a dozen within 10 feet. Just saying.

Like we aren’t going to mention Frolicking Balls, too, would make a killer band name. Three’s a charm.

And we’re just getting started with all the incredible Las Vegas balls!

Lately, all the talk has been about baseballs. The potential of an Oakland A’s move to Las Vegas would mean a new influx of balls, in addition to all the balls already here with the Las Vegas Raiders and Las Vegas Aces and Lights and Vipers and Aviators and whatever other sports involve balls. Beer pong! Balls for days.

The title of “Biggest Balls” has to go to the billionaire owner of the A’s for asking for public money to build the team’s ballpark, wherever it might end up. (Leading contender is on the Tropicana site, second is Rio, the dark horse is the Las Vegas Fair Grounds near Circus Circus, if the A’s even end up coming here. Long story.)

Our town’s love of balls seems to know no bounds.

We’re sure you can think of some we didn’t include in our story. If you see any interesting balls during your Las Vegas adventures, please keep them to yourself. This isn’t that kind of blog, probably.