Neonopolis Announces $300 Million Never, Ever Happening Project

When we think of Neonopolis, the quirky downtown shopping complex, one phrase springs to mind: “Endlessly optimistic and relentlessly disappointing.”

Neonopolis recently announced yet another ambitious project that is absolutely never happening: A $300 million rooftop amusement park called “Mini Disni.”

Every part of that sentence is delightfully untethered from reality, but let’s dive into the whimsy, shan’t we?

This is exactly as realistic as the announced plans for Neonopolis.

Let’s start with the most obvious bullshit (sorry, that’s the legal term for it), the name. No venue will ever be called “Mini Disni.” That’s because Disney is known for being fiercely protective of its intellectual property, including numerous trademarks and copyrights.

We trust Neonopolis got a cease-and-desist as the very first instance of “Mini Disni” was being typed.

Anyway, the naming issue is moot given the overall absurdity of this alleged project.

What happens when you dump Microsoft Paint images into a blender?

The proposed theme park will consist of five rides atop Neonopolis, including two rollercoasters, a zipline and an open-air skydiving simulator.

Presumably, each component of the theme park will be operated by third parties.

It’s worth noting, one element of the project was already supposed to have happened, as we first shared back in 2022. The outdoor skydiving attraction is associated with Crash N Burn, a new restaurant and bar at Neonopolis that opened with little fanfare on March 21, 2024. Crash N Burn is in the space previously used by Telemundo studios.

Crash N Burn is a welcoming spot, but the venue opened with no sign of the skydiving part, called Aero Vegas, from a company called Aerodium. There was a model on display, however. Presumably, the outdoor skydiving attraction is set to open in fall 2024.

Crash N Burn has a slog ahead of it, as many venues in Neonopolis open and struggle. We hope Crash N Burn succeeds, as it was pretty ballsy calling it Crash N Burn, to be honest.

Anyway, another part of the Neonopolis theme park will be a zipline.

This “neon monster” zipline will presumably exist 50 feet from one of the most financially successful ziplines in the world, SlotZilla. We should know, we did the digital marketing for SlotZilla and helped it become one of the most financially successful ziplines in the world. Could a zipline at Neonopolis get some overflow business? Maybe. Does Neonopolis have any idea what it’s getting into with a zipline? Absolutely not.

From the wildly exciting Neonopolis video, it appears the zipline is going for a Godzilla vibe. Nobody would be so unoriginal as to create a Godzilla zipline next to a SlotZilla zipline, though, right?

Good luck with that, Neonopolis.

SlotZilla owns the neighborhood, thrill ridewise.

As for the roller coasters, the name “Polercoaster” may be familiar if you’ve been watching Las Vegas as long as we have.

A Polercoaster was proposed for the Wet N Wild site (where All Net Resort also didn’t come to fruition) back in, wait for it, 2013.

The FAA restrictions alone are likely to kill off this aspect of the proposed project.

The biggest hurdle, of course, is the “$300 million” part. Neonopolis doesn’t have enough money to repair its elevator buttons much less invest in any development. So, this would rely entirely on the third parties who have said they’ll bring these attractions to the ailing shopping center.

Big ideas, little substance.

As usual, local news reported this story as “‘Mini Disni’ Theme Park Coming to Downtown Las Vegas.” Like it’s happening.

Don’t get us started about the fact the video from Neonopolis looks like it was created by someone on Fiverr after a sharp blow to the head.

Neonopolis is trying, but we aren’t talking about the most business-savvy operators in Las Vegas.

It’s possible some of the plans could be cobbled together, but anyone going into business with Neonopolis is in for an adventure and should have money, and patience, to burn.