11 Alternate Uses for Your Casino Players Club Card

If you’re like us, you have a serious surplus of casino loyalty club cards.

Over time, dupes and expired players club cards seem to magically accumulate, but rather than discarding them (literally), consider one of our 11 alternate uses for these otherwise pesky cards. You might end up saving time, money or valuable landfill space. (Not really, but it sounds good, doesn’t it?)

Players club cards are multiplying faster than hotel resort fees.
Yes, some of these ideas ruin your cards. Don’t worry, the casinos will make more.

1. iPhone Stand

Here’s a trick that’s convenient and a money-saver. Just make a couple of bends in your card, and you’ve got a handy iPhone stand, perfect for multimedia viewing on the fly.

If you think these ideas are going to get better, you are sadly mistaken.
If you think these ideas are going to get better as we go along, you are sadly mistaken.

Why waste money on cell phone accessories when you can waste it on lap dances and gambling instead? The players club card smartphone stand is adjustable, too. Just change the angle of the bends. This isn’t rocket science.

This configuration can also serve as a business card holder.
Bonus alternate use: Gambling-themed business card holder, anyone?

2. Paint Masking Tool

Painter’s tape and edge-painting tools can be a pain, so try this “Why didn’t I think of that?” technique.

DIY painting precision, baby. We can call you baby, right?
DIY painting precision, baby. We can call you “baby,” right?

3. Crumber

You’ve no doubt seen them in high-end restaurants, as servers and bus boys use their “crumbers” (also called “groomers”) to clean tables between courses. A players club card can accomplish the same task, but without all the pretense.

Now, feel like you're at a fancy Wynn restaurant even though you're eating Hot Pockets at home.
Now, you can feel like you’re at a fancy Wynn restaurant even though you’re eating crackers, at home.

4. Guitar Pick

If you’re a plucker, no problem, but if you’re a strummer, you’re probably going to need a pick. This handmade pick is great in a pinch, and you can cut out about six from a typical players club card.

We have clearly never used an actual guitar pick, but you get the idea.
We have clearly never used an actual guitar pick, but you get the idea.

5. Ninja Throwing Star

You just never know when your enemies might try a sneak attack. With a little practice, and a flick of the wrist, a thrown players card can wreak some serious havoc.

Well, at least that's not mildly disturbing.
Well, at least that’s not mildly disturbing.

6. Optical Illusion

Players club cards are so versatile, they can even serve as conversation starters. Here’s a cool effect that seems to defy the laws of the natural world. You know, like Criss Angel. (And we don’t mean that in a good way.)

How blown is your mind right now?
How blown is your mind right now? (Would it kill you to just play along?)

Of course, you’ll want step-by-step instructions so you, too, can impress friends and loved ones. As long as your friends and loved ones are easily impressed, of course.

7. Door Key

Credit cards have been used to “jimmy” locks for years, and players club cards can serve the same function. Assuming you’re trying to unlock a door from the 1960s.

Why do they call it "jimmying" a lock? You'd think they'd have caught him by now.
Who is this “jimmy” person, and why haven’t they caught him by now?

8. Bike Spoke Flapper

Try some good, clean fun by affixing a card to your child’s bike with duct tape. As the spokes hit the card, the bike will sound like a motorcycle. A really lame motorcycle, but that’s beside the point.

Yeah, like kids still ride bikes.
Yeah, like kids still ride bikes.

9. Cake Cutter

Twinkies are back, and you know you’ll be forced to share, so use your card as a close-at-hand cutter. It works well for regular cakes, too, but we were trying to be topical.

Wash the card first! Oh, and there's an 81% chance it'll still be useable at the casino. If you ever find frosting on your slot machine, now you'll know why.
Wash the card first! Oh, and there’s an 81% chance it’ll still be useable at the casino. Related: If you ever discover frosting on a slot machine, now you’ll know why.

10. Picture Frame

There’s no better way to showcase your Las Vegas memories than a picture frame fashioned from a players card. Just use an X-Acto knife to cut out the middle of your card, but be careful. If you lose a finger, suddenly we’re the jerks.

We're actually going to keep this. How did that happen?
We’re actually going to use this. How on Earth did that happen?

If you’re really crafty, you’ll want to use the cut-out part of the card as a frame stand (see below).

This would be a great time to consider what is commonly known as "getting a life."
We’re fully aware we need to get a life, thanks.

11. Cord Organizer

It’s about time you got the chaos around you under control. Those tangled cords are messing with your feng shui, but tranquility can be yours with a few simple alterations to your loyalty club card.

You know it's just a matter of time: "Free cord organizers for new club members!"
You know it’s just a matter of time: “Free cord organizers for new club members!”

Sure, there are many more clever uses for players club cards, but the number “11” has a nice ring to it. Use your cards to smooth out the bubbles in bumper stickers, to scrape the crud from the walls of an aquarium or the ice from your car windows (probably not in Las Vegas), or even as a caulking aid.

If you have other ideas, we’d love to hear them. If you think ours are stupid, please keep it to yourself.