Nerd Bar at Neonopolis Sued for Injuries Allegedly Caused by Monster Penis
Sometimes, the comedy gods just lavish gifts upon us. This is one of those days.
A woman has sued The Nerd, a bar at Neonopolis on Fremont Street, alleging she was injured after being thrown from the venue’s mechanical penis ride.
We are the sole Las Vegas media outlet to share a photo of the offending penis. Gird.
According to the lawsuit, Illinois resident Amber Zabran visited The Nerd with friends on Nov. 22, 2025, near closing time and asked to ride the attraction.
Zabran alleges she paid to ride and mounted the mechanical penis without being asked to sign a waiver.
The ride was controlled by an employee using a joystick and control panel.
Yes, a joystick. The comedy gods just keep on giving.
According to the complaint, the ride started slowly, then increased in speed. Zabran alleges her ankle became caught beneath the main portion of the attraction before she was thrown off, resulting in injuries.
The lawsuit alleges negligence, vicarious liability and negligent hiring, retention and supervision, among other claims. Zabran is seeking damages for past and future medical expenses, lost wages and other damages. No specific dollar amount was reported. She has requested a jury trial.
As an aside, you will never believe the name of our band in high school.
So, pretty much another case of an opportunistic dimwit looking for a payday, and a bloodsucking lawyer to enable her.
Let’s just say we’ve seen lawsuits in this vein in the past.
The arguments are flaccid, but plaintiffs and their lawyers hope for a cash settlement.
Businesses often get the shaft.
We could pretty much keep this up forever. So to speak.
Yes, legitimate injuries obviously happen. But when you ride a giant penis, you know the risks.
Wherever there’s an insurance policy, somebody inevitably starts calculating pain and suffering.
In our layperson’s opinion, this suit is lacking hard evidence.
It’s possible there’s a penetrating legal case.
Will there be oral arguments?
We assume The Nerd is mounting a legal defense.
We’ll have to wait to see if this case is dropped or limps over the finishing line.
Yes, our friends at The Nerd should know better than to let people ride this thing without getting signed releases. In today’s climate, don’t let anyone climb on your organ without a signed waiver!
We can’t wait to see what’s ahead.
Honestly, this whole drama is a little hard to swallow.
If someone was truly negligent, they deserve a stiff penalty.
If it’s really bad, they should be sacked.
If innocent, though, nobody should be hung out to dry.
Filing a frivolous lawsuit just to get a payday is a dick move.
Try the veal and take care of your servers.
Update (10/2/26): We asked ChatGPT to calculate the pun density of this story. It has 19 puns in a story with roughly 500 words total so our pun density is 3.79%, or roughly one pun every 26 words. This makes it the story with the highest pun density in the history of Las Vegas. You’re welcome and we’re sorry.
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