Flamingos Beat Crap Out of Tourist at Flamingo Las Vegas
A group of typically docile flamingos violently attacked a Canadian tourist at Flamingo Las Vegas, resulting in injuries.
According to a Flamingo spokesperson, “Am I a spokesperson for the Flamingo or a flamingo? It’s capitalized, but ambiguous. This is an important distinction.”
The flamingos involved will not face charges because of the “FAFO Doctrine” of made-up news stories. Mom, do not look that up.
That’s pretty much the whole gag. Sorry, April Fools’ Day sort of snuck up on us.
Look, April Fools’ pranks don’t have to be any particular length; that’s not part of the deal. It’s a concept (the “joke,” typically “fake news”) and supporting imagery.
The truth is, it’s virtually impossible to do outlandish April Fools’ stories these days because reality is so much more outlandish than anything a satirist could concoct.
In case you missed it, a drunk Canadian tourist recently injured some flamingos at Flamingo’s wildlife habitat.
Of the incident, a flamingo spokesperson added, “Again, really ambiguous.”
The flamingos injured in the Flamingo incident (including one bird being taken to the asshat’s room) have recovered and are once again thriving in a place that shouldn’t have wildlife, namely a casino on the Las Vegas Strip. Flamingo, in case that wasn’t clear.
Man, alive, A.I. has come a long way, hasn’t it?
Back in our day, we spent hours doctoring images in something called “Photoshop.”
If you’d like to see the “11 Best Vegas-Inspired April Fools’ Pranks of All Time,” you can view them here. Yes, most of them are ours. That’s because we invented Internet humor. So, be very careful when you say, “That story on Vital Vegas was sort of half-assed, don’t you think?”
We’ve paid our dues! We are a serious news organization now and juvenile frivolity is beneath us, unless there’s a “69” reference involved.
You have your perfunctory April Fools’ prank, now be gone with you or we will be forced to create another April Fools’ joke, but this time it will involve a man stinging a scorpion on its testicles, but then you’d accuse us of comedic recursion without evolution, wherein satire loops back on itself and loses all disruptive force despite the fact we have made our point about the absurdity of everyday life masterfully and how dare you, good day.
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