Bellagio Begins $110 Million Room Renovation

Bellagio, MILF of the Las Vegas Strip, is renovating all the rooms and suites in its Spa Tower at a cost of $110 million.

The renovation will include 819 guest rooms, 104 suites and a couple of discreet closets where they keep those adorable little bottles of shampoo.

The room renovation project is expected to reach completion in October 2023, although that could change based upon how much it’s had to drink, if you get our drift.

Fun fact: In any hotel room photo, whatever’s on the TV wasn’t on the TV and whatever’s out the window wasn’t out the window.

It’s no coincidence the Spa Tower room renovation is slated to wrap up just in time for F1 in November.

Everyone in town is sprucing up for the big Las Vegas Grand Prix. Yes, even Circus Circus, which is exactly like Bellagio except for literally everything.

Bellagio recently renovated the 2,500 guest rooms in its main tower.

Here are some words from Bellagio about its upcoming suite renovation: “Designed by New York City-based interior design atelier Champalimaud Design in partnership with MGM Resorts International Design Group, the Bellagio Spa Tower suites will feature sophisticated design elements, custom furnishings and art influenced by high Italian style and couture, while color palettes draw inspiration from the natural vibrancy of Lake Como and the Alps.”

Before you ask, here’s an example of “atelier” in a sentence: “He said he had one doughnut, but I don’t believe him, he’s an atelier.” You’re welcome.

It’s how your house would look if you had any taste whatsoever.

Oh, look, more words we are happy to copy and paste because we have more important things to do than “write” or “do research.”

“Striking suite corridors with dramatic midnight blue doors and glowing handmade Italian light fixtures will set the tone for the arrival experience,” Bellagio says. “Within the Spa Tower’s plush suites, neutral-colored wall coverings will create a chic backdrop for custom furnishings and accent pieces in colors inspired by Northern Italy, varying by suite type: The color of garnet, similar to pomegranate found in Mediterranean vegetation and commonly seen on the exterior of the region’s houses; Azure and indigo, inspired by the sky, mountains and the lake; Solferino, a brilliant deep pink color discovered in Northern Italy in 1859 and the name of a town from the lake region, and pale rose beige similar to buildings lining the town streets; Wisteria, for the stunning flowers and Cypress trees lining the lake and villas creating lush gardens and shimmering hues; Lapis, dusty rose, peacock blue and jade for the area’s exotic flora and fauna, crystal sea and lush vegetation.”

One of the things we love most about Las Vegas is brilliant interior designers come up with all that so we can walk into the room and say, “Yeah, blue and pink, cool.”

But there’s more! How dare you just look at the pictures.

This is the two bedroom king suite bathroom, the place you’ll need someone to hold your hair back after a night out in Vegas.

The news release says, “Well-appointed bedrooms will feature tufted cream-colored curved headboards, soft uplighting, custom TV armoires in a sycamore wood grain and floral touches in an homage to Italian fashion. Curvilinear sofas, benches and chairs will bring a whimsical yet comfortable elegance to spacious living areas. Within the suites’ luxe bathrooms, guests will find custom vanities thoughtfully integrated with lighted mirrors and upscale white marble surfaces, as well as motion-sensor lights for convenience and comfort.”

Please, please, lay down a towel from the luxe bathroom before you have sex on the curvilinear sofa, thanks.

Both the suites and guest rooms were redesigned by Champalimaud Design. “Champalimaud” is French for, “You will never remember the name of our firm, but that is fine because you can’t afford us, commoner.”

Here’s more about the rooms regular people stay in, “The King Room will feature a palette emulating the sunrise reflecting on the water in a symphony of blues and greens. The Spa Tower’s Two Queen Room is designed around a lake sunset, integrating deep, calming tones with flickers of gold and amber. Both designs encompass strong, bold elements that are soothing and calming for guests either beginning or ending their day. Elevated design elements including luxurious marble floors, custom furnishings, illuminated bathroom mirrors inlaid with mother of pearl, and a separate soaking tub and shower will be the hallmark of the new guest room experience.”

This is the Spa Tower King room, threesome not included.

This all sounds wonderful, as if Bellagio needs to do anything to be amazing.

“O” is a spectacular show, the fountains out front are a singular symbol of Las Vegas, the restaurants are world-class and the hotel’s Conservatory is one of the few remaining free gifts to visitors from the four corners of the globe. Yes, globes have corners. Las Vegas is a magical place where rules don’t apply, except for the one where casino gift shops aren’t allowed to sell gum. But other than that, no rules!

Can we all agree our jokes are better than they have to be this far into an article. Nobody reads this far, not even our mom, and she has a lot of free time on her hands.

If you touch anything, tip housekeeping.

In more great news: Whenever Bellagio does a room upgrade, its gently used furniture ends up at MGM Resorts hotels further down the food chain, so Luxor or Excalibur might end up with some fancy “new” flourishes soon.

It’s so interesting a news story about a $110 million investment in a Las Vegas resort can get a sprinkling of news coverage, but that’s about it. Maybe because we’re so used to hearing about numbers in the billions now.

Trust us, though, $110 million is a lot.

Although, MGM Resorts, owner of Bellagio recently got the go-ahead to build a casino in Japan, expected to generate revenue of several gazillion dollars per hour, so they aren’t exactly hurting.

We still love that a substantial investment is being made in Bellagio, one of the resorts that changed everything in Las Vegas, and is still making the world a better place today, because a lot of people are going to be looking up the definition of many of the words in Bellagio’s news release, and that’s making people smarter, something the world needs right now.

Oh, and Bellagio, feel free to use “MILF of the Las Vegas Strip” in your advertising. You’re welcome.