Pink Fans on High Alert on Precipice of Sphere Residency Confirmation
You’d be hard-pressed to find a superstar more perfectly suited to the spectacle that is the Las Vegas Sphere than Pink. (Note: We do not do “P!nk,” as it is a cringeworthy stylistic affectation.)
Well, according to multiple reports, a Pink residency at Sphere should be announced any minute now.
Let’s all just wait for it. Literally right now. Just sit quietly as a kind of social experiment. Don’t attend to important family obligations or your job. Just wait. In order to help keep your mind from wandering, you can gaze at this A.I. image of Pink doing her trademark impression of Cirque du Soleil.
Sphere is on a roll lately, with multiple residencies being extended. We would look those up, but we’re only really interested in Metallica since that’s the news we broke and scooped the world.
Trust us, there are a number of acts whose show schedule continues to expand due to popular demand.
And don’t get us started with “The Wizard of Oz.” That movie has not only been incredibly successful for Sphere, we also broke that news months before anyone else.
Anyway, Pink. Apparently, she’s landed a “multi-million-pound” Sphere residency, which seems a little rude. It’s all muscle!
No, really, have you ever seen that viral video where Pink is singing with someone standing on her stomach?
Pink’s residency will presumably coincide with the release of her long-awaited tenth album, entitled “Cha-Ching.”
That’s just the working title because we just learned “pounds” are a lot like dollars, and Pink is set to get a lot of both from here shows at Sphere.
While the official announcement of Pink’s residency hasn’t been made, you know it’s happening because Johnny Kleptometes at the Las Vegas Review-Journal has added this stellar lede to the chatter: “Speculation about Pink performing at Sphere is flying around like, well, Pink performing at Sphere.” It’s just this kind of journalistic talent that’s kept this legendary reporter as relevant as Myspace for all these years.
We love linking to inane stories because outgoing links are very important for Search Engine Optimization, a fundamental aspect of the Internet that the Las Vegas Review-Journal either doesn’t understand or consciously ignores when it brazenly steals scoop from social media without attribution or links to original reporting.
All this, of course, to help fluff up a story without much meat on the bone.
Here’s more Pink is all her acrobatic glory.
Many performers have mixed feelings about Sphere. Its imagery can overwhelm the senses and overwhelm the act onstage.
Pink, however, can hold her own when it comes to delivering an eye-popping, over-the-top experience.
Please say you aren’t still waiting for the announcement. It could be tomorrow, but it could be months from now. You seem to be easily influenced. Seriously, we’re shocked you aren’t a member of a cult.
We do not recommend joining a cult. Yes, there will probably be some crazy sex stuff involved, but private compounds, financial exploitation and suppression of doubt aren’t as appealing as they sound.
Just go about your business. We will alert you when the Pink residency at Sphere has been confirmed.
If you must join a cult, join the cult of Obsessively Following Vital Vegas. We will happily take on the role of charismatic leader as long as we don’t have to dress up or whatever.
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