Ever since singer Miley Cyrus racked up 4 million hits on YouTube and incurred the wrath of right-wing commentators (and self-respecting music fans) the world over for her lurid ‘twerking’ display at the MTV Video Awards ceremony this year, as well as her suggestive snigger-fest video for ‘Wrecking Ball’, pop observers have been wondering what’s next on the agenda for everyone’s favorite former child star.
So, now that the 21-year-old daughter of country singer, Billy Ray Cyrus, has done the lewd stage act, the outrageous pop video, and shaken off the Disney kid star persona – Cyrus was the star of Hannah Montana – what should the bookies be looking at next for the novelty Cyrus markets? And remember, if none of these sound likely, consider this: one bookmaker is currently offering odds of 100/1 that Miley will become – wait for it – a nun before 2014 is out!
1 – Make The Leap Into Adult Movies (6/1)
If Miley’s VMA display proved one thing, she knows how to use her tongue. Where better to utilize her talents, then, than in a lewd, overtly sexual video – this time in one that’s actually meant to be watched by adults?
So, what kind of titles could we expect from Miley’s first foray into exotic entertainment? Men at Twerk? Hannah and Her Fisters? (Big) Wrecking Balls Vol. 2?
2 – Inspire Another New Word
The word “twerk” rubbed its rear end into the crotch of the Oxford English Dictionary when Cyrus was caught on camera “dancing to popular music in a sexually provocative manner” at the VMA with singer, Robin Thicke.
No an accepted word in the English language, and with the likelihood that “twerking” will probably be the subject of a question on the next series of University Challenge, what other words can Cyrus inspire in the future?
Montana’d: To desperately shake off a former squeaky-clean child star image. (4/1)
Sherked: To perform a lurid and suggestive move to Miley Cyrus’s Wrecking Ball at your local nightclub after 10 pints of Stella and a bottle of Aftershock. (5/1)
Sinead’d: To take a classic music video, and instead of making a serious homage, end up making a complete pig’s ear of it. (6/1)
3 – Get Hitched (5/1)
No, “hitched” isn’t a new word along the lines of “twerk” – a lurid sexual move involving Miley’s tongue, an industrial-sized vat of hemorrhoid cream, and a copy of Sports Illustrated. No, Miley is reported to be keen on tying the knot (no, not a new word along the lines….etc) with Hunger Games actor, Liam Hemsworth. But while she’s a bit keen on former Aussie soap stars, why stop at Liam Hemsworth? Why not shock the world’s public again by tying the knot with Hemsworth’s Home and Away co-star, Ray Meagher (Alf Stewart)?
4 – Launch Her Own Range Of Sex Toys (3/1)
The Rampant Rabbit might still be the ‘jouet de choix’ of discerning women the world over, but Ann Summers must be getting the brainstorming sessions planned with a Miley endorsement or two in mind: vibrating ‘Wrecking Balls’, generously-sized ‘Foamy Fingers’, or perhaps a DIY ‘twerking’ kit, complete with life-size Robin Thickes for girls who want to go the whole hog.
5 – Become A Feminist And Write A Landmark Book To Rival Germaine Greer (100/1)
OK, maybe we’re just reaching here…